The Mythical Charming British Man

I promise the entire blog will not be about this subject…but as I was leaving a pub Friday night talking with my friend Rachel, we quickly agreed that someone needed to dispel the myth of the perfect, charming British man that everyone thinks is out there. I know to some, this may be equivalent to telling children that Santa Claus doesn't exist….but…well… it doesn't make it any less true. So for all my lovely friends back home (ahem Mary, Jaymie) who have high hopes that I will marry a charming, hot British man, have cute red-headed British babies, and everyone will live in happy La La Land with British accents… we may have to give up the dream. Now I was initially going to write about how HOT British men don't exist (because except for Oliver - the near god-like receptionist working at one of the gyms I applied at - I haven't seen one), but my roommate Sharon encouraged me to hold out hope. She did agree, however, that they are no charmers. You know, the kind with manners, who sounds cute and sweet when they have that accent!? Sigh.. That's not to say there aren't attractive men here. There are plenty! They just aren't Brits. (Well of course my roommate Paul and Laura's boyfriend Alex are exempt from this statement. So okay there are no hot, charming British men EXCEPT for Oliver and Paul and Alex …..and David Beckham). And the other thing… Brits are actually known for being pretty unfriendly. So put those two things together (not charming + not friendly), suddenly I feel like I've been lied to my whole life! Where are the Jude Law's!??! (I'm including the pictures in case any of you had a hard time conjuring up a mental image of these two men I previously mentioned ;).

I think you get my point here and I'm sure all the guys reading are about ready to vomit, so I'll move along to more "mature" subjects.... like the fact that I'm actually AMAZED that I haven't been hit by a bus yet. There certainly have been several close encounters. Unlike in the U.S. - where pedestrians have the right away - cars pretty much don't stop for people. On top of that, I still forget which direction cars come from. Combine the two of those, you can see why I've feared for my life. But since I've managed to avoid death-by-bus thus far AND since I wasn't killed by the awful flu I've had for 9 (seriously 9?!?!) days... I figured I'd share a few other things I've noticed that are particularly different between the English-speakers over here and the American-speakers over there in the States.

Their Medicines
Apparently there is this amazing painkiller called paracetamol that the US government is keeping from all of us. As I already mentioned, I've been hit up pretty hard by either the flu, or an awful cold, or a sinus infection or some version of all 3 (how can you tell the difference anyway???). So Sharon gave me a package of Lemsip.

It's a lemon powder with paracetamol and decongestant in it that you drink like you would drink tea. Crazy! Why don't we have this?? It works wonders. Some other 'methods' I'm not sure work so well despite everyone being convinced they do (i.e. drinking massive amounts of tea, drinking massive amounts of honey lemon water, and putting your face over a boiling pot of herb water for ages to steam it out. This last one I've unfortunately done several times a day for the past few days. Not sure of it's long-term benefits, but it doubles as a pretty nice facial in case you were wondering…)

Alleys - aka 'Mews'
Ok, so an "alley" and a "mews" aren't exactly the same thing. But they are pretty close. According to Wikipedia, a Mews was a row of stables, usually with carriage houses below and living quarters above, built along a street, behind large city houses. Today most mews stables have been converted into dwellings, greatly modernized and considered highly desirable residences. The States need to take a cue from London and revamp our alleys this way. They are some of the nicest and most expensive places to live. I actually think I'm going to go out and take pictures of the prettiest Mews sometime in the next few months. Until then, this picture will have to do.

Deli/Takeout Sandwiches
This may seem like an odd thing to notice…but given that every day whether I'm in a M&S or at the University, there are loads of pre-made sandwiches it's hard not to notice. They have some of the most bizarre sandwiches I can imagine for a cheapy little shop. Examples include: cheese and onion (this is a super common one), cheese, pickle and jam, and avocado and prawns. All I can think every time I see these is that no one would eat these in the States! It also deserves to be pointed out that literally EVERYONE here refers to Americans as fat, and points out all the awful and unhealthy things we eat. No thanks to shows like Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives, people assume we all like terrible, greasy, drive through style food every day! But I find it baffling that they think we eat such crap, given the amount of crap around here that people eat!!!
(I know you can't see the labels below, but the one on the right is definitely prawns and avocado.)

Men REALLY Know How to Dress
Ok I know I just went on a rant about how un-charming Brits are. That said, DANG do they know how to dress. All European men for that matter (don't be dumb enough to think British men are Europeans. They are not. And they will angrily tell you so.) Men over here put themselves together well. I mean seriously. I kept trying to figure out how to snap pictures of said men on the tube without creeping them out. Not super successful. However, my roommate Paul graciously allowed me to snap a pic of him in his favorite red pants he wears all the time. See how good he looks!??!

Their ties are skinny, and hit at the right spot.

 

They know how to wear sweaters well. The know how to wear scarves even better.

Their pants are straight leg (instead of droopy saggy), and they ALL wear good shoes.

Seriously! Only the d-bags wear good shoes in Chicago. I'd be lying if I didn't say I appreciate the way they put themselves together. Someone needs to teach American men this lost art.

Cars Park Whacko
This still is insane to me. They drive on the opposite side of the road as we do. They drive MUCH smaller cars than we do (the amount of super super small smart cars here are out of control). They can park either direction on either side of the road. This means that you could be nose-to-nose with another car going the opposite way!! AND they can double park sometimes at night on the road!!?!?Seriously… take a look at these shots.

Double parked

Facing opposite directions

And seriously!? Hello Kitty!?!? Who would actually drive this car??

Men Drink Pink Cider
This would NEVER fly in the States. Not only is cider huge here (which I quite enjoy if I do say so myself), and men drink it all the time, but it's quite common to have several different types of cider. I've learned enough to stay away from the sweet ones and go for the dry ciders. But it is baffling to me the number of men who order a 22 of strawberry cider, and pour it over there ice cubes in a chilled glass!!! Go for it guys! Be secure in your manliness! Drink pink, fizzy drinks! Excuse me if I find it slightly humorous that my girlfriend Rachel is the one drinking the Guinness in this photo, and her coworker is taking down his second pink cider of the night.

  
A few other things I thought I'd share just for the heck of it…

• If I haven't mentioned yet, people are craaaazy when the sun is out. It's like 1 degree above freezing, but if the sun is out, everyone is sitting on outdoor patios?!?!

• I frequently get lost here. (And NO Abby, not like I get lost in Chicago). I literally will have my map out and know exactly where I need to go, but because there is no rhyme or reason to their roads, I cannot ever figure out where I even am! I know this is not just me. My friend Natalia is late every time she takes the bus because she went the wrong way or got off the wrong place. But it's super confusing how to get around the streets! There is no way to tell which way is North or which is South in the middle of the city. I use Google Maps all the time (I don't know how people did it before that), and I STILL get lost all the time. This probably also explains why my iPhone dies twice a day, seeing as how I'm sure Google Maps uses up double the battery.
• I'm reminded again of my love of Nutella. Thank god for the Europeans and their invention of hazelnut spread. It's delicious!!! (again, a picture just in case you forgot what it looked like!)

• There are an INSANE number of "Prince Albert" pubs. This is not like America where they are all owned by the same people. Nope. No affiliation at all. They just ALL like to name themselves after this prince. A quick Google search will pop up pubs in Camden, Notting Hill, Battersea and Westminster. So I looked up this bad guy. Seems in addition to having a monument in Hyde Park which I've already visited and didn't realize it. (See below…remember that guy?). Apparently he was married to Queen Victoria and died of typhoid at the age of 42! So anyway, I thought I'd give you just a little snapshot of how funny I think it is when you see pub after pub after pub with the same name….. 

This is the Prince Albert Memorial in Kensington Gardens

• There is a bar here for just about any type of theme you could want. Saturday night I found myself in Soho at a bar where they literally were playing Backstreet Boys and Britney Spears all night downstairs. And apparently the waitresses (who are all wearing polka dot dresses, although I'm not sure why because nothing about it felt like a bar from that time period) would randomly jump on a table and start karaoking to a song. Then when they were done other people would take turns doing the same. So at one point, there were two men in turbans singing some boy band song on a table!! 

 

I know it's hard to tell, but these are two men in turbans doing some sort of weird sing/dance off.